The Tenkai Times
by October
Summary: Rg Veda. Zenmijou's premier newspaper chronicles an average day in Toriten...


Author's Note: The usual disclaimers apply, etc etc... Not mine, no money... Any budding geneticist who needs to tweak the "Science" section can email me ^__^  
  
***  
  
THE TENKAI TIMES HEADLINE NEWS  
  
Controversial Taishakuten Action Figure Goes on Sale at Toriten Toys --Toriten News Service  
  
While the Emporer is said to approve of the doll's likeness (it's rumoured he keeps one on the Imperial Desk) certain parents-- and children-- do not.  
  
"He's a meanie!" said young Ashura, found browsing the bicycle aisle at Toriten Toys while clutching a stuffed Pigrabbit. "I'd rather play with Gundam stuff."  
  
While we're not certain what "Gundam stuff" is, Ms. Soma, Ashura's guardian for the day, agreed. "It's so tacky-- such an obvious political thing," she said.  
  
Nevertheless, the toys are selling fast at one gold coin apiece, along with their counterpart, the Ashura-ou action figure (which the Emporer is also rumoured to approve of.) Both dolls come with authentic weapons, a wardrobe fit for the gods, and stylable hair with comb, all in collector packaging.  
  
"This is a really innovative toy," said the manufacturer's representative for Zouchoten International, the company who markets the dolls. "Here we've got a cool action figure with heavy weaponry like thunderbolts, which the boys will love, but at the same time with the looks and the hair that girls of all ages everywhere go crazy for. We can't keep them on the shelves!"  
  
More action figures are planned. Next up is the ever-popular Prince Tenou, as well as his flying horse Meghaduta, which will also come with stylable mane and tail. This Deluxe Horse and Rider Set is expected to be a huge hit. But what about the opposition, such as King Yasha-ou? "I don't expect we will be making Yasha-ou dolls any time soon," said the representative. "While I admit a Yasha-ou figure would certainly sell, we don't want to ruin our relationship with the Raijin."  
  
The last was apparently in reference to the now defunct Six Star Toys, Inc., which was set to manufacture a Yasha-ou doll last year before its headquarters were mysteriously struck by lightning from a clear blue sky and burned to the ground.  
  
New Zenmijou Wastewater Treatment Project Spurs Complaints by Ryuu Clan (See Page 26)  
  
Tenkai Historical Society Hosts "Demon Days"  
  
It's Ashuric History Week again at the Tenkai Historical Society. This year the display focuses on "The Ancient Ashuras" and the little we know about them. Toriten News Service went to the Historical Society's central office to interview the Society's president, Kuyo.  
  
Interviewer: Isn't it risky to bring up such a touchy subject these days?  
  
Kuyo: The truth is always risky. No matter how you present it, heads will roll. Present it another way, your head will still roll.  
  
Interviewer: Why all the interest in the Ashuras? Why not the history of, say, Tentei?  
  
Kuyo: We do have a Tentei History Week. It's the first week of December. But last year the Museum only had two people come to see it. As to the Ashuras, all you have to do is look around to see the lasting influence of this clan. Almost every crater and strange land formation you see was created by an Ashura having a bad day. This was a powerful clan. It's unbelievable that Taishakuten managed to destroy them.  
  
Interviewer: So it's not as dangerous as one would think, to dwell on the history of the Ashuras during Taishakuten's reign.  
  
Kuyo: No, not really. The trick is to bring it all in perspective. Of course the Ashuras weren't originally demons, they were gods. Oops, I shouldn't have said that. But we all know who writes history, don't we?  
  
Interviewer: Well, I think we're treading thin ice here, so I'll just save myself a trip to the new dungeon by leaving right now.  
  
Kuyo: Be sure to have a look at the museum display on your way out. It's got an authentic fossil kekkai.  
  
Interviewer: Kekkai? How can you have a fossil kekkai??...  
  
***  
  
Weather: Clear and cold over much of Toriten tonight, with a few snow showers in the North. Vayu the Wind God's getting over his cold and will soon return to his duties. Meanwhile, Varuna the Sea God is getting agitated over Imperial plans to churn the ocean a second time to see if it will yield another jackpot like it did In The Beginning, and it is possible we may see a storm shape up on the seaboard if the water keeps heating. Long-Range Forecast: More of same, but there may be a Ryuu and Garuda Clan Advisory for high winds and waves on the ocean later in the week. Raijin Taishakuten seems to be happy playing with his action figures and chance of lightning should remain at only 10% throughout the week.  
  
***  
  
SPORTS  
  
The annual Royal Croquet Tournament at Zenmijou Stadium yesterday saw the surprise victory of King Yasha-ou over Emporer Taishakuten in singles. Kendappa-ou and Souma won out over Bishamonten and Kisshoten in doubles.  
  
Play during the Emporer's final game was quick and uninterrupted except for an incident of a stray Sarama on the course. Yasha-ou showed his usual calm efficiency despite the animal's tearing of his regulation whites. Once having been lent a spare pair of Bishamonten's shorts, he went on to handily win the match.  
  
In other sports news, tragedy struck the Flying Horse Races this morning when the popular favorite "Meghaduta," owned by H.R.H. Prince Tenou, collided with a goose while passing through a cloud on the homestretch of the Mount Meru Raceway. Jockey Asvin Kumara fell 7000 feet to flatten a peasant's hut. Poor visibility prevented the Karura Clan spotters from seeing the accident until it was too late. Cremation will be held at 6:00 tomorrow. "Meghaduta" suffered no injuries.  
  
Frog-Leg Eating Contest Won By Demon  
  
For the fourth consecutive year in a row, the notoriously hungry Ashura has won the Ryuu Clan's Frog-Leg Eating Contest. In addition to eating all the frog legs available, Ashura also ate the banana-leaf plates and part of the tablecloth. "We were prepared for any eventuality," said a smiling Ryuu-ou as he handed Ashura the grand prize-- a coupon for a free shopping spree at the Zenmijou Mall fish market.  
  
***  
  
SCIENCE & NATURE  
  
For years, scientists at the Tenkai Institute for the Advancement of Knowledge have been perplexed and fascinated by the rare chromosomal mixup which created the apparently genderless Ashura, last of the Ashuric race. Now, after extensive research in both field and lab, Ashura's secrets have been at least partially uncovered. Here is the science in our exclusive article:  
  
Ashuric Gender-- Now You See It, Now You Don't  
  
CAPRICIOUS CHROMOSOMES. Did you know that, contrary to popular belief, there are more than just two sexes in the mammalian world? In fact there are more than 30 possible chromosomal combinations for gender (or lack thereof.) While the normal gender chromosomes are XX to make a female and XY to (usually) make a male, there are many other possibilities. Some of these combinations, such as Yy, XYyy and others are immediately lethal in the womb. Some, such as an XY female, can pass a whole lifetime unnoticed. And others express themselves in various ways; for example, an XXX female has an unusually strong maternal instinct, while an XXY may have a male body but a female mind. So the first step on this journey of scientific discovery was to send out field workers in an attempt to gather some Ashuric DNA and get the facts about just what chromosomes Ashura possesses.  
  
At the beginning of their study, the Institute scientists already knew Ashura must have a minimum of one functional X chromosome. Any combination without at least one X is always lethal, so Ashura can never be considered to be actually genderless. On the other hand, if only a single X chromosome were present, Ashura would likely present as a female, as female mammals with a single X chromosome do occur.  
  
OUT IN THE FIELD. With Yasha-ou as Ashura's vigilant bodyguard, scientists knew both stealth and tact would be required. The goal was to gather more than DNA. Behavioral data was also needed.  
  
The first attempt involved sending in a starving wigmaker begging for hair. Unfortunately, Yasha-ou did not permit Ashura to donate any hair but rather gave the wigmaker some of his own plentiful mane, at least providing scientists with his chromosomes (XYY, more in next week's related article, "Hypermasculinity.")  
  
A travelling tailor was next sent into the field. This ploy met with success. Not only did our scientists acquire enough stray hairs to "read" the Ashuric DNA, but the tailor was also able to confirm Ashura's lack of visible gender characteristics (additionally complaining about how difficult Ashura is to fit.) These, then, are Ashura's chromosomes:  
  
X y  
  
Where "y" is a fractured X chromosome, called a "false Y." Technically speaking, Ashura is a "gene-reversal male." However, the lack of apparent gender characteristics observed in the field could be a result of Turner's Syndrome, which affects only females who are lacking various chromosomal fragments and often reveals itself in similar ways, including a broad undeveloped chest, nonfunctioning ovaries and lack of sexual maturation. Hence, any attempt to conclusively identify Ashura's gender solely by chromosomes is fraught with potential error.  
  
BRAIN SEX.  
  
But wait, the puzzle still isn't fully revealed. Nature is a lot more complicated than X's and Y's. Chromosomes are not the only thing that determines gender. For example, at the beginning of this article we mentioned XY females. There are documented cases of XY chromosomes being found in persons born and raised as heterosexual females. Clearly something more is involved.  
  
Part of that "something" is brain structure. Male and female brains are not alike. Unfortunately scientists just can't dissect Ashura's brain, so this avenue of investigation remains closed-- at least for the moment. But the psychology of Ashura's brain is open to investigation and, in fact, observers in the field have reported Ashura engaging in various activities suitable for both gender roles. From hunting wild boars to playing with dolls, from dress-up parties to wholesale destruction, Ashura does it all, thus rendering psychological studies inconclusive.  
  
Is Ashura hermaphrodite (both sexes) in disguise? Assuredly not. Hermaphrodites almost always possess XXy or XXY chromosomes, and they are usually gendered. For lack of these important characteristics, Ashura cannot be considered to be both rather than neither... Yet neither is "she" neither.  
  
So just what is Ashura?? Only "he" knows...  
  
NEXT WEEK: HYPERMASCULINITY. What happens when Emporers have extra Y's.  
  
***  
  
OP-ED: THE EMPORER'S NEW DUNGEON  
  
Has Our Emporer Gone Too Far by Demanding the Public Pay For His Private "Torture Chambers?"  
  
A public dungeon is one thing. Every respectable kingdom needs at least one. But Raijin Taishakuten's latest plan is for a 10,000 square foot "facility" to be built into the Castle Rock using the latest stonecutting techniques. Tenkai Times recently acquired a preliminary blueprint of the project. Included is a heated pool for "water torture," a fully outfitted bar for "concocting poisons" and an orchestra pit for "sonic torture." Perhaps the most interesting item are the "Dungeonmaster's Quarters" which features a space for a huge bed and trapeze. The silk and linens for a bed this size would buy an average citizen a house.  
  
We in fact think this dungeon IS a house-- a guesthouse-- and we put it to you, readers-- do we pay for the Emporer's pleasure? Do we have a choice??  
  
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR  
  
To Whom It May Concern:  
  
Last month's travel article "Spelunking the Kusumabura Caverns" was very well done and inspired me to embark on my own trip to explore these ancient ruins. I soon found your article did not mention one important detail-- the quicksand pit in the desert above. No sooner had I arrived at the site and gotten my baggage from the chariot, than chariot, horses and all, disappeared into the ground before my eyes!  
  
Do you have any idea how difficult it was to get them out again? I am cancelling my subscription and sueing your paper.  
  
Still picking sand out of my navel,  
  
A Disgruntled Reader  
  
Dear Staff,  
  
Your recent article on the challenges of foster parenting neglected to point out that not every child is an Ashura. Future applicants with our agency can rest assured we will never assign you a demon for a ward.  
  
--Tenkai Foster Care Services  
  
To the Lackeys at Tenkai Times,  
  
No, You do Not have a choice.  
  
--Taishakuten.  
  
(Editor's reply: Well, that clears things up a bit...)  
  
***  
  
RELIGION  
  
OUR VEDIC ROOTS?  
  
On the surface, everything seems serene. Gods and goddesses inhabit our beautiful world in large numbers. Demons and monsters are vanishing. And the humans, of course, worship us slavishly. But there is an invisible crisis going on here in Heaven-- a struggle for our own title-- indeed for our identity.  
  
Our collective story is called "Rg Veda" after the oldest religious book in existence. But are we really Vedic? The answer is no. What are we then? We are Buddhist!  
  
What? you ask in disbelief. Our Emporer can only be descended from Indra, and he has the Vajra Thunderbolt to prove the point! (We would not presume to think otherwise of the Great Raijin.) But his name, Taishaku, is the name of a Japanese official who was deified only about a thousand years ago. And the name of our Heaven, Toriten, is Buddhist as well.  
  
It goes much further. From the Four Generals to our mikos, right on down to our demons and mazoku, our immediate ancestors are not Vedic at all. It is true that if we look hard enough we can sometimes find ourselves in the Hindu literature. Many of our names are Sanskrit in origin: Garuda = Karura, Gandharva = Kendappa, Queen Shachi = Empress Shashi, the Asuras = Ashura, and so on. But there the resemblance ends. And Kujaku, Bishamon, Aiezen-Myo-o and countless others have been disenfranchised by being lumped under our dubious Vedic label. Therefore, I would like to ask all my loyal readers to pause for a moment and consider petitioning for a change of title.  
  
***  
  
CLASSIFIEDS  
  
ENERGETIC REDHEAD with really big sword looking for female friends! Contact Ryuu, Tenkai Personals.  
  
O Burning Lotus, thy golden eyes have pierced my heart. Please come back to me, beloved! I will never again eat your food. This is our promise! -- Yamato  
  
TAI'S EXOTIC PETS. Just Arrived-- Sarama pups! Playful, Lots of teeth! Ready to unleash on your unsuspecting victims, or use one as a handy disposal unit for the leftovers. Cash only, no checks or refunds. Upper Zenmijou, By Appointment Only.  
  
DARK ASHURA'S EXOTIC BELLYDANCING. Don't let my name fool you-- I'm pure gold. The perfect entertainment for party or stage, or to increase your army's morale before battle. Bellydancing, lapdancing, Dance of Destruction-- whatever your tastes, I can tantalize you! Payment in food preferred. Liability release required. 1 Kekkai Lane, Toriten.  
  
MOON MAGICK! Moonrangs, crystals, Soma's Special Elixir of Immortality. Also a wide selection of leather clothing. Weekly Vedic Astrology classes help you predict the future. Featuring Kujaku, Astrologer to the Stars! Open 7 days a week. In the New Zenmijou Mall between Shashi's Cutlery and Ryuu's Fish Market.  
  
SW ? Seeks companionship, maybe more. Me: Tall, sultry, exquisite golden eyes. I enjoy dining out and having my exotic ears nibbled. My fiery nature longs to be quenched in your sea of love. You: solid, patient, willing to be my slave in all things. Let's get together and discover what that question mark really means! Write to Ashura at Tenkai Personals, Box 777, Heaven.  
  
EXPERIENCED BABYSITTER AVAILABLE. No job too difficult. Problem cases welcome. All meals provided. Contact Yasha, Yamato Day Care and Demolition. NOTE: The Day Care has been relocated again. It is now in the hut next to the new crater on Old Zenmijou Road. 


End file.
